Be aware of the “Empath vs Narcissist” Trap
During these times we have to be cautious of sweeping concepts and themes that may emulate: fear disguised as love.
I care deeply about Empaths becoming Empowered, as an Empath myself. I also care deeply about all souls becoming Empowered. And with unity consciousness principles of healing, this is possible.
There is a great deal of theories currently portrayed usually along the lines of Empaths vs Narcissists. Where Narcissists are the enemy.
However if we go down this route we are missing a key ingredient of spiritual growth that none of us can escape. That is…
When we truly work with the Shadow, there are no villains.
Especially if we truly want to harbour self love, and heal our wounds.
Any villain we see, is effectively emulating that Nigerian proverb
Whenever you point a finger at someone, You point three fingers towards yourself
This is Shadow 101. It may sound simple yet it will always come in to destabilise our beliefs — for a positive reason. To show that those beliefs are not serving our (and others’) Self Loving Expansion.
Limiting, fear-based beliefs always affect the one harbouring them the most.
The villains in our life, in our mind, reflect our own unhealed wounds that we are demonising….usually because we are not ready to own it.
This is OK.
We all have them. And we can’t own everything all at once.
Yet when we don’t recognise we even have them, it can lead us into…well, more pain.
There is no doubt that you may have endured horrendous situations in your life. At the hands of others.
Yet in order to break free: Spiritual Growth, Forgiveness, Compassion — and ultimately Shadow Integration is absolutely necessary.
It is the difference between the slow, winding route of suffering and the smoother one of elevation. Which one do you want?
I know this first hand as someone who has blamed for much of my earlier life.
It got me nowhere. I was miserable, drowning in my own blame and judgment — trying to justify why others were the enemy. All the while, unconsciously hating my own shadow, manifested through the blame.
The fascinating aspect of Empaths and Narcissists is that the shadow is unseen because of a system wide ideology of what Empaths are supposed to be.
So let’s have a real conversation.
As an Empath myself I have had to journey through many stages of development, including hyper-sensitivity, victimness and blame. I still harbour many elements of course yet when I was the most unaware, I would categorise people in the world into various camps.
Those who were more dominant, ego-centric — I would stay away from. I would dislike. I would judge.
And of course, by laws of attraction and reflection, I would magnetise them into my life.
I would judge them further for the interactions we would have.
Yet at the same time this was happening, was in fact when I harboured my most intensified feelings of powerlessness.
It’s not until you really began to look at your shadow in a raw way that you start to see through your own bullshit.
My shadow of rejecting the dominant ego in others was actually all about me.
And I was playing it out in my own life in a shadow reflection. Here reflected my own ego centric nature, manifested in the form of my hyper-sensitivity.
When we are empathic of our environment, we feel what is happening around us. We may very well get overwhelmed and need to recharge. And there is a whole journey around this.
However when we are hyper-sensitive to our environment, in a distorted way, we actually end up making everything about ourselves.
This situation is about me. That conversation is about me. What this person is doing is about me. This is what happened To me.
We react. We judge. We recoil. We resent.
Our wounds are touched, yet we respond by projecting. We blame, essentially.
This leads us to forget the most important element of Spiritual Growth Healing.
Which is Shadow Work.
Sensitivity & Power
This is an age old relationship. One attempting to teach the other. Both feeling victimised by the other.
As a collective, we are learning to be empowered with BOTH.
You’ve heard the saying: Good Girls attract Bad Boys.
You could “blame” the Bad Boys for being selfish. Or the Good girls for being naive.
Yet there is an attraction here.
It is often, on a simplified level, the sensitivity of the good girl that is attracted by the insensitive bad boy — for balance. And vice versa, the confidence of the bad boy that is attracted by the unconfident good girl — for balance.
So why does it “go wrong”?
On one level, the sensitivity and confidence is both distorted. That is why there is a Shadow attraction. The good girl’s sensitivity (in this case) is all-giving, to the point of complete lack of self respect. This isn’t balanced sensitivity.
The confidence of the bad boy is false projected confidence, without any inner strength. So can be used to dominate others in order to compensate for inadequacies. this isn’t balanced confidence.
So what about Empaths & Narcissists?
With the current narrative, it seems to suggest that Narcissists want to take advantage of Empaths because of their giving nature. Narcissists are the Ego centric ones whilst Empaths are the victims.
Let’s re-read this: Narcissists are the bad guys (boys). Empaths are the good guys (girls). Utilising the previous example.
Whenever we camp into Good and Bad, we enter Polarity Territory and we are forever trapped in a game of actually victimising ourselves.
To first understand why there is such a magnetism between Narcissists and Empaths is to understand that we are Always attracting our reflection.
This doesn’t mean the other is like us. However it does mean that there is a reflective dynamic occurring between both souls.
In other words, both souls have something to learn. And that relates to both souls learning about their own shadow as well as their positive traits.
So whilst there is a relationship between Sensitivity and Power, there are also shadow elements occurring, which are crucial to understand.
In particular to mention here, is actually that of Ego-centrism.
If we harbour massive detest for those “in their ego”, we can fall into an ego trap.
We can actually become the Superior one.
This is the paradox, where we judging another for being Superior.
It is a Superiority complex of our own, through the judgment, of being better. Where the Empathic nature is seen as “better”.
Doesn’t this breed an element of arrogance within ourselves too?
Here’s a question: Can you find any area in your life where you are or can be or have been arrogant?
Back in my life, I would have been adamant in saying, no fucking way.
Today I know I can be in many, many ways. It’s just human nature. To be all things.
Becoming comfortable with the shadow within, means it no longer has power over — I am no longer ashamed of being it. And therefore, I have stopped pointing at it in my outside world
Unless aware, the Shadow will sneak up behind you and photobomb every picture of your reality.
When we persecute a group of people for being a certain way — because it makes us feel a certain way, we have entered an ego trap.
We are assuming that this will make us feel better. However unconsciously sends a signal to the Universe saying that we are related to them. And they have an effect on us.
It creates Sides.
Now, it doesn’t mean that others have not hurt us.
There is no doubt you have felt pain from your experiences. No doubt at all.
It’s the seduction of labelling not just one, but then a group of people who reflect certain qualities — that actually reflect unhealed qualities within us that are desperately calling to be healed.
And also calls into question, labelling of ourselves. What exactly is an Empath?
This is an open question that shouldn’t be answered with a quick meme. Or you’ve trapped yourself into a label.
The Shadow is where all the juicy stuff is.
It’s going to make you cringe, yet…
Once you move through the humiliating idea that you could in fact have similar traits to those who you detest the most — you obtain the holy grail of what you have been seeking. ….. Your Power
When we group many together as narcissists, and create them as the enemy….In order for that enemy to exist, we have to be on the other side to it!
In other words we create our identity in response to who (we think) they are
Therefore, we can never take on any quality that they may have. Because we fundamentally reject (who we think) they are
Here narcissism and arrogance is seen as an extremity of confidence. Of Power.
As we reject the extremities with such force, we deny its shadow — and deny its source in the process.
We reject Power.
So unconsciously we are saying is that Anyone with ego, dominance, arrogance is bad. Here is a dangerous unconscious agreement. It says, therefore I will never step into my ego, because its bad. It also means you cant either.
And so our power remains locked away at the top of the tower. Yielding blame, judgment and assessment — we assume we are taking our power back by demonising these individuals. All we are doing is labelling them so we can feel momentarily better. Yet we secretly still fear them. Which is of course not a bad thing. We just need to recognise this. We fear them because we secretly think they have more power than us.
When we reclaim our power and it begins to weigh on the scales more than our mistrust in others, or judgement in others, we do not fear others for the power they seemingly have. We realise we have an incredible amount of power.
Yet this can only come from compassionate wisdom. It can never come from polarised judgment or superior/inferior.
The beautiful treasure here for empaths is recognising that the biggest teachers are in fact narcissists.
Because it reflects narcissism within us all. If we do not recognise that we can be this, or be arrogant or be dominant or dictatorial we are missing out on our most treasured gift.
And when we do get over the cringe factor. We realise wow, OK I can be manipulative, narcissistic, sensitive, loving, caring, arrogant, soft, hard, whatever!
And if I can own that…I can allow my personality to breathe and understand it is finally being heard. Because true self love is to honour our shadow as we much as our light.
So what is this really about?…
Polarity Balance & Healing
Essentially, this is really about the process of how we heal.
And what theories we are using to found that healing upon.
Healing, in whatever form, always includes our Shadow — if we want to be free.
I have guided, to the best of my ability, many individuals from extremely abusive situations. And one of the key areas I have continuously found is that no matter how difficult:
To recognise that there was always an equal share of power. A Co-Creation. For a higher reason, a teaching that serves both souls.
This dissolves blame and initiates a powerful awakening of inner power for the (previous) victim. Unless this is recognised, then the other “will always have more power” than the victim. An impossibility regardless of circumstance. Each soul has the same immeasurable power
This is delicate and has to be balanced with releasing very real emotions.
Healing always occurs on two levels.
The spiritual and the human. And it’s necessary to respect both or we fall into blame/disempowerment or spiritual bypass.
Once we move beyond the cringe factor of having similar traits, we realise that this other soul is actually trying to teach us something.
As we are trying to teach them.
Some questions for Soul Journeying & Exploration
Here are some great questions to begin creating healthy — honest — dialogue with your Shadow
Are you afraid of Power?
Are you afraid of your Power?
What is your relationship with Power?
Are you afraid of being arrogant?
Are you afraid of being…narcissistic?
What does being an Empath mean?
Are these above theories serving you & the others
It’s ok to be afraid of being arrogant, ego-centric, manipulative. We usually are. Yet that also shows that we are afraid of doing something we are most likely already doing.
The less afraid of your shadow you become, the more it is in the light.
The more it is in the light, the less power it has over you — from the shadows.
At the end of the day:
Those who have distorted egos are in pain. Everyone has distorted egos. Therefore all are in pain, struggling to find themselves using the best they know — based on the way they were brought up and their soul development.
How we respond to others in pain is our challenge. And our salvation from low vibrational self-harm, which is what creating an enemy does. It only hurts ourselves.
Love yourself. Love your reflections. Love them enough to let them go…in love. And as you do, you let yourself release from prisons. Prisons of what you can be, who you can be, what you can achieve, your power.
Let’s break down the Enemies in our society. For ourselves. For our brothers and our sisters. For our reflections. For our growth.
Let’s choose the higher path that is desperately calling out to us. The path of Soul Embodiment.
Blessings on your Path